Sex is nice and pleasure is good for you.
These words from Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy came to me around the age of 16, from their classic The Ethical Slut. They captured me, and have followed me ever since, weaving through a marriage, a divorce, and an (almost) inevitable “finding myself” journey through India.
Sex is nice and pleasure is good for you.
It seems simple, right? Yes.
It seems fraught with complications, right? Also, yes.
Sex. It’s one of the most–if not the most–taboo topics to talk about. Especially good sex. There are a lot of necessary and important conversations happening around sexual violence. But very few when it comes to juicy, delicious, mind-blowing sex. Even fewer when we talk about that same yummy sex–without a partner.
Witchcraft. Another taboo subject, though one that’s been getting a lot more press lately. Three cheers for the rise of the witch! Still, though, when I tell someone I’m a witch, I tend to get a lot of pushback. I’m not a craggy nosed eater of children. I’m also not a sultry homewrecker looking to enchant someone’s unwitting husband.
I am a woman who manipulates energy to effect change.
What happens when I bring these two taboo topics together?
I’ll tell you one thing: if you want to disrupt conversation around the dinner table, this’ll do it. Yet, the combination of sex and witchcraft has been the most startling, life-altering alchemy I’ve experienced to date. And I’ve got a lot left to explore.
A lot of us grew up in a world dominated by a “Christian” ethos. Not trueChristianity (which is a faith steeped in love) but a set of moral imperatives designed by people in power. These people had (and have) a strong interest in keeping others “in their place”. Particularly women, marginalized groups, and people in lower economic positions.
With this ethos came the idea that witchcraft and sexual pleasure are straight up evil and must be demonized and punished. You don’t have to go to church to be affected by these ideas. It’s built into our media, our laws — it’s everywhere.
For example, we can have an R-rated movie full of graphical torture and murder. Huge body counts, and it shines at the box office. Can you imagine a movie with copious sex–solo play, sex between loving couples, even multiple partners–hitting the theaters? It would simply never happen.
Witches get off a little easier (no pun intended, hehe) when it comes to Hollywood, but only if they’re practicing in an easily digestible way. Otherwise, the witch is the villain.
Why?
I have a theory, and it boils down to one word: creation.
Sexual energy is creative energy. Witches create change. Or, to be more specific, we co-create change in partnership with the Universe. People in power do not want to share that power. There is very little in this world more powerful than the ability to create. Especially when we are creating with intention.
Which brings me back to the marriage between sex, and witchcraft. These potent vehicles of change, when merged, can give access to an energy greater than the sum of its parts.
Harnessing the creative force of sexual energy in your magickal practices will supercharge your workings. You don’t need a partner for this. In fact, in many cases having a partner can muddy the waters. Especially if your partner isn’t on the same page as you. (And you don’t want to involve your partner without their express consent, because ew, that’s not okay.)
The biggest part of this for me, and I think for many people, is overcoming the shame. It took me a while to embrace the fact that yep, I’m a witch. I’ve been practicing, often unintentionally, since I was five. My first memory is me crafting a spell in the backyard while my brothers played nearby.
After I fully embraced my witchhood, it took me another six years before I began to weave sex into my magick. That, too, came about unintentionally at first. I started experiencing massive shifts almost immediately. So I leaned in.
My practice, my comfort with my body, my relationship with Spirit and spirits–all of these have transformed.
My relationship with shame has transformed.
Shame is the joy killer. Shame is the heart eater. Shame is the box that keeps us small, angry, and wrathful. Shame breeds violence. Shame breeds destruction.
Pleasure, on the other hand, breeds connection. When we come to pleasure grounded, and use it to further anchor us in the moment, pleasure becomes creation.
Pleasure is food. Pleasure is nourishing. Pleasure is good for you.
So, witches, I challenge you with this: think about your relationship to sex. Not just with someone else, but with yourself. How do you view pleasure? How do you treat your body, from a sexual perspective? What connections do you see between your spiritual practices and sex?
These questions are the doorways into a conversation that will transform your practice, and your life.
What do you think? How do you use sexual energy in your practice?